"Once in Love and Now in Debt"

We all find our own reasons to value art.  Music to me is more of an art piece than a product.  When I started getting heavily involved with the entertainment industry I found people who divided a line.  There were people who looked at the entertainment industry as their passion and then there were the people who looked at it as a dollar sign.  I worked with both kinds of people. There are people who have this thought process of what's in it for me.  What an awful way to live life.  Seriously just go away and die if you live that way.  I suppose by that logic I've damned a large part of the population-- but I don't care.

Shame on you if all you do is look to see how you can take advantage and manipulate people for your own gain.  It's dumbfounding that I even need to say that.  Over the past couple of weeks I've tried to keep my entries global and less personal; however I can always throw some of my own life into this.

I started filming recently for the Indiana dept. of Transportation.  I work with "specialists" and grad students. its all very different. Such a different culture than what I'm used to.  Not that any of it is bad, but I've rocked myself into a cradle of stockholm syndrome.  The blindfold was removed and I found what my work life should have been.  I show up when I want, I go out, produce results, I take my lunch break When I want, I come back edit the footage I shot and go home.  There's my perfect world and its actually happening.  This position isn't benefits eligible and they've legally classified it as freelance but they've given me a large amount of work now in the moment and in the future.

The future for me is very up in the air.  I'm looking to find a new place to live and be more oriented towards my family.  My documentary will hit before I know it and other than that I got a rather entertaining conversation from a friend who has a gay friend also named Steve.  I live for moments when I'm on the wrong end of a text message.  Just makes me laugh.  I usually don't laugh at much, I worked at comedy club and still rarely laughed.  What makes me laugh is when girls who know me text me asking for advice on how to send a good old fashioned dirty sexy sloppy text message.  Yeah that inadvertently happened to me and its hilarious.

I've spent some time reading up on the huffington post, I've not found anything useful aside from some more weird news.  Speaking of news I was talking with the graduate student who I work with and we had this "Grass is always greener" conversation.  To be more specific, me and him literally had to sit and watch traffic for 2 and a half hours, so we talked for quite awhile.  I was telling him about all the crazy jobs I've had and all the adventures I've had.  He had a weak moment where he actually wished that he hadn't gone the grad school route and lived the unstable life that I had.

What a reality check, when someone tells you they'd rather walk in your shoes.  Speaking of shoes, I regularly observe people using these stupid things called "meme's" where there's some photo and then a poorly photo shopped text box with some condescending message.  The world would be a better place without a meme.  Thats just a dumb name to begin with.  Trending internet topics confuse the hell out of me. It just dumb founds me to see what people take seriously. For those at a crossroads, such as myself, we need to find a focus and not let life make things blurry.  The one part of life that annoys me is that work dictates our lives.  Money dictates our lives.  Doesn't matter who wants to believe that money doesn't have an impact on what you do it actually does.

I've always been annoyed with people who tell me they hate oil companies and using fossil fuels. I call bullshit. Everyone drives even if you own a bike and bike a lot there are still times when you drive and thats an all or none thing.  I've also been annoyed with myself and the choices I've made.  My goal is to have a bit more stability in Chicago by november of this year.  I won't wish the year away the way most of us do.  If I get my documentary filmed, and land even a part time long term video job in Chicago I'll consider the year a success.

Places such as Harpo studios, CBS, NBC, Weigel broadcasting, WGN, ABC, constantly list job postings and its annoying.  The HR system in this country needs reworking. If there's a job open then yes, let people know if not don't put a job posting out there and don't tease people. Shame on you Human Resources for teasing people. We all deserve to be treated respectively.

I respectively sign out and shift topics--

I've made a small attempt to keep up with current news-- even though my days have been spoken for between my white collared job and my blue collared  job.  I go through an interesting transition.  During the day I go out throughout the state and film.  When I'm not filming I sit and edit.  Reluctantly I use Adobe premiere.  I'm a nerd who prefers using final cut pro, however beggars can't be choosers and I use whats given to me.

Over the past few weeks I've had a touch of nostalgia that maybe others can relate with.  I've been plagued with the grass being greener on the other side.  I'll never know why I get this way but my contentment for anything is always lacking.  Might be something Zodiac related or it might just be me.

I provoke everyone to examine their lives and look for a way to improve and make it better.  I think that given my circumstances I've done my best to make things better. Finally I work in a position where I use my degree, and finally I've developed my own projects to further increase awareness about certain social issues that need to be addressed as well.

Today, I had some surreal moments as I sat down on the shoulder of a bridge.  My job was to film east and westbound traffic.  Getting told my footage looked great-- was a validating thought.  I now head off to the mind numbing world of retail.  I now pay my penance to society by catering to the needs of idiots.

SW